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What you basically had was a hand cannon being loaded by a one

9 Inventions that Prove Leonardo da Vinci Was a Supervillain

canada goose black friday sale The Crusades turned city states like Venice and Genoa into superpowers thanks to the usefulness of their mighty navies. If anybody canada goose uk outlet was going to stand a chance against these two powers, they needed men like Leonardo to sink their fleets swiftly and silently. Underwater warfare canada goose factory sale would have turned every drop of water in the Mediterranean into a war zone that no ship would be safe in unless they had pledged allegiance to your kingdom. Your fleet would have been as feared as Poseidon himself. canada goose black friday sale

Seriously, could this possibly be any more pimp?

« Whoever wishes to foresee the future must consult the past, for cheap canada goose uk human events ever resemble those of preceding times. This arises from the fact that they are produced by men who have been, and ever will be, animated by the same passions and thus they must necessarily have the same results. »

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Canada Goose sale As Cracked has examined earlier, many « modern » technologies are actually way older than you might think. Take the robot: invented by the forever badass Hero of Alexandria, and perfected as a killing machine by Leonardo da Vinci during humanity’s Canada Goose Outlet rendezvous with antiquity. Canada Goose sale

Canada Goose online Italy’s armies were as shitty in the Renaissance as they were during World War II, and nobody knew this better canada goose coats on sale than Niccolo Machiavelli of the Florentine militia. Throughout his classics texts The Discourses and The Prince, he cites countless examples canada goose coats about how a New Roman Empire was thwarted due to self inflicted gunshot wounds to the foot. Italy’s problems were twofold: one, a unified Italy still didn’t exist, and two, Italy’s dukes and princes outsourced too much of their military to Swiss mercenaries. Not only was this an enormous drain to so many kingdoms’ economies, but many mercenaries happened to double cross their employers for an even larger profit by skipping town. In short, Italy needed a local army built from canada goose clearance the ground up buy canada goose jacket cheap on reliability. Canada Goose online

With such lopsided odds working against the Italians, more practical weapons than syphilis were needed to cripple their canada goose black friday sale enemies. What was needed was a device that could annihilate entire armies before they even came close to the front lines, and canada goose store Leonardo’s cluster bombs had the range and splash damage to accomplish just that. As long as you provided your bombard crew with enough of Leonardo’s ammo, you could dictate the canadian goose jacket fate of entire armies like the Gods of Olympus.

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Canada Goose Parka « When a place is besieged I know how to cut off water from the trenches, and how to construct an infinite number of bridges, battering rams, scaling ladders, and other instruments which have to do with canada goose uk shop the same enterprise. I have plans for destroying every fortress or other stronghold unless it has been founded upon rock. » Canada Goose Parka

buy canada goose jacket Among Sun Tzu’s many observations in, there is « invincibility lies in the defense, and the possibility of victory in the attack. » While as timeless as a tall glass of Ecto Cooler with vodka (we call it a ‘Ghostbuster’), Leonardo put an interesting twist on it by removing the whole « possibility of victory » for the Canada Goose Parka attacker part. When he designed a fortress, he had invincibility in mind. buy canada goose jacket

Since Leonardo was born one year before Sultan Mehmed II captured Constantinople in 1453, he spent most of his life living through one big « shit just got real » moment in Renaissance warfare. Mehmed’s cannons were big enough to besiege a city from over one mile away, and the loss of Constantinople considered the last, living relic of Rome made every kingdom in Christian Europe reach for their rosaries. The threat of the Muslims was back.

canada goose clearance Since Turkish cannons had just made medieval castles obsolete, engineers like Leonardo were employed to soup up defenses. The fortress he envisioned in his canada goose outlet Codex Atlanticus was strong enough to withstand any weapon from the period: artillery, siege ladders and whatever black magic the local White Wizard might conjure. canada goose clearance

Canada Goose Jackets When it came to breeding warhorses for battle, Leonardo mated the ancient concept of a scythed chariot with Lord Humungus from Mad Max 2. The result was an eight legged, two wheeled monstrosity that would have unleashed a fucking war crime on any Renaissance battlefield. Leonardo’s design came in two models: the « shin replacement, » and the « fucking lawnmower from Dead Alive ». Canada Goose Jackets

The Italians had two priorities when it came to Renaissance warfare: winning battles, and looking good while they did it. Can you guess which of the two was given the higher priority? Hint: It involved having really large balls (and no, we’re not talking about bravery).

The Renaissance equivalence of a wheelie.

canada goose While there remains no substitute for an uncut Italian stallion when it comes to leaving all the sisters at the Canada Goose Online local nunnery with their bosoms heaving (as demonstrated in Boccaccio’s totally awesome Il Decameron), the age of the knight was on its way out throughout the Renaissance. While handy for picking up belladonnas like your sister, warhorses were prone to injury, made easy targets and (much like Tweek) easily spooked. By the High Renaissance, chivalry came to a horrific end at the Battle of Ravenna, and large squads of infantry armed with pikes canada goose uk black friday and arquebuses had replaced them on the battlefield. canada goose

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Leonardo’s super scythed chariot was the perfect solution to this dilemma. It used fear as an offensive and defensive buy canada goose jacket weapon, could cut a path through entire columns of infantry, and all without sacrificing the ego of riding a big balled animal into battle. The only downside Leonardo could bring himself to admit: they « often. wreck as much havoc on friends as on foes. » However, since very few Italian kingdoms were friends with each other, this could have also been taken as « put whatever allies you don’t trust as close to this monster as possible. » And as for your dark knights, you’d better believe whoever drove these monstrosities would be up to their armpits in annihilation. and the heaving bosoms of Italy’s finest handmaidens once the carnage was over.

Flight had fascinated Leonardo for most of his life, but would it ever prove its usefulness on the battlefield? Short answer: Yes.

canada goose deals Although most uk canada goose outlet of Leonardo’s flying machines would have likely crashed in real life, it was probably due to the fact that many of them were not tested. Nevertheless, even before a juicy government contract to iron uk canada goose out its defects, Leonardo’s imagination alone was good enough for some of his gliders. Paint some dragon scales on it, and you’ve got a flying monster feeding you information about enemy movements, shooting fireworks and again. scaring the living fuck out of everyone on the battlefield. canada goose deals

While Leonardo’s tank does suffer from some serious flaws, the case has recently been made that the plans were deliberately sabotaged just in case a working model Canada Goose sale fell into the wrong hands. Some might argue that this proves that canada goose Leonardo da Vinci was, https://www.canadagoosejacketsoutsale.com despite his career as a military engineer, a pacifist, but they’re missing the point: Leonardo and Leonardo alone had the world’s only working blueprints. in his head. Now tell us: Is that pacifist, or supervillain?

Canada Goose Outlet If it flew, it would be a fucking UFO. Canada Goose Outlet

cheap Canada Goose Guns are useful on the battlefield; they kill people. However, Renaissance arquebuses were one hell of a pain in the ass for numerous reasons, the worst Canada Goose online of them being how difficult they were to reload. What you basically had was a hand cannon being loaded by a one man crew in the middle of a battlefield, and with just your brains for defense. Oh, and for extra fun, the barrels had cheap Canada Goose to cool before you did anything to avoid exploding. Leonardo’s machine gun was designed with all these issues in mind, which is why it allowed its barrels to cool, be reloaded and fire all at the same time. cheap Canada Goose

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So, basically what we’re saying is it’s a Canada Goose Jackets damned good thing Leonardo had the art career to keep him busy.

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